The One(s) Who Got Away

Have you ever been blessed with someone who adds so much colour to your life? No, not family members or ‘Significant Others’.

Someone who was such a blessing to you, who genuinely loved you, who you could always count on and rely on? Someone (or people) who had your back?

I’m sure if you think back, waaaayyy back to primary school even, at one point in time you had a true friend, a best friend (or best friends) in every sense of the word. That person who you could be genuine with, who you could open up to.

That person you had happy-go-lucky fun with before you started getting suspicious of motives or letting the issues of life dictate how you relate with people.

As an adult, it can be complicated to form true friendships (especially for ladies, you know what I’m talking about). I don’t think it’s because adults are naturally wicked or paranoid, I think you grow up, suddenly realise the world isn’t so ‘cut and dried’, discover you actually do need to work to eat (in some cases, two jobs), therefore maintaining friendship becomes another burden you really don’t want to add to your baggage, so you suck it in, watch genuine friends walk away and learn the 21^st Century art of making friends on-the-go (I.e. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram friends, ‘Hello-Hi-What’s up’ friends, ‘Longest time o’ friends). The worst are The Plastic Friends. Check out the scene below:

 Spider Man: Hello Captain, what’s up na? Longest time.

·         Captain America: Yes o, how you dey Spidey? There was a time I kept calling you, you weren’t picking my calls, how far?

·         Spider Man: Eh-hen? Sorry o, my phone had an issue one time like dat... sooo my guy, glad I 'ran into you' today. I’m having a 'small' birthday bash at my place this saturday. You must show o.

·         Captain America: Man, I don’t know…

·         Spider Man: No, you have to be there. Come and fun jo…and it would be nice to catch up on things.

         SMALL PAUSE.

·         Captain America: Ok. I’ll move things around. I’ll come.

·         Spider Man: Cool! Thanks my guy. See you on Saturday. Bye.

Yep, you guessed it. Spider Man SUDDENLY remembered Captain America existed when he wanted something; He’s throwing a big party and he’s aiming for a full house. Facebook posts have to be lit! or you want people to say Spider Man doesn’t have swag? Na lie!

It’s sad really. To think there was a time in your life you had friends or a friend who truly cared, who always reached out but somehow he/she got away, you watched that friendship die and all the while you told yourself  “I’ll call him/her later”, “I’ll find time to visit him/her”, “I’ll try and send a text by weekend”, or you just gave up and said “Whatever abeg! I can’t kill myself. If I don’t call her/him, can’t he/she call me?”

Trust me Darlings, if you continue down this road, you might just wake up many years later wishing badly you had taken that step to re-connect with that person. How wonderful it is when God blesses you with a friend who sticks closer than a brother. It’s rare to have one of those in your life, no man is an island, true friendships always come in handy.

You need to start building your circle ( a circle of people you can always rely on, which includes life partner, family members and friend(s) you trust) You will always need that circle, they are the ones you can fall back on. Stop harbouring/managing fake friends, it’s a waste of time. Reach out and re-establish relationships with people who added value to your life (you know the ones I’m talking about, not everyone is evil). Nurture good friendships, bad company corrupts good manners.

This month is almost gone but I’d like to give you a task and it might just be what puts a smile on your face for the rest of the year: Get in touch with the true friend you let go. Thank God for the internet, you can find almost anybody. Re-build that bridge, it’s more important than you gave it credit for.

One of the friendships I admire most is The Ben Affleck-Matt Damon friendship. These men have been friends since they were young boys.

Over the years, irrespective of their ups and downs, bad decisions, mess-ups (mostly having to do with Ben Affleck), they’ve stood by each other,

they always have each other’s backs, they support each other no matter who’s shining at the moment.

 In fact, it’s one of the best bromances in history (at least in my opinion). I pray their friendship continues to stand the test of time.

However Dears, take heed, some friendships that are gone are meant to STAY GONE. I have heard and found it to be true that when God shuts some doors, don’t try to re-open them, they are for your own good. So, take this step with caution, pray about it, let your spirit guide you.

Still, I hope all things being equal, you’re able to re-connect with the one that got away because there is beauty and joy when you have just one friend you know you can always rely on. Imagine if you had two?!

And if you find out you have none (for instance you’re surrounded by a bunch of hoohahs) don’t sweat it, send me a mail, I’ll be your friend.

Happy Reconnection Day Darlings!

Have a swell week!

Jide's BICYCLE

Everyone wants change.

Change for the better, change for the best, change that brings success, promotion, progress. Change has become such a popular word in the last 10 years that many politicians have embraced it. Former US President Obama built his campaign around it, ran on it and won the White House. Current Nigerian President Buhari had it on billboards, promised that the era has come and won Aso Villa (Nope, I’m not getting into the argument of ‘Who used and is using it best’, that’s not today’s gist…so, moving on).

In the last one week, situations and circumstances in my life have taught me that CHANGE doesn’t always come the way we expect. You might be dearly hoping for the best, certain you would get the best; your spirit tells you so, the stars are aligning properly, the weather is good, your health has never been better, but BOOM! The most unexpected thing happens and you wonder: What the heck?! Didn’t I plan well? Didn’t I pray enough? Recently, I’ve had to re-learn that some times in the midst of a chaotic situation, there’s order, God-designed order. And it only takes holding on to faith, to see it. Then the testimonies abound!

Let me Illustrate with this fictional story;

There was once a young boy, Jide, who longed for a bicycle. Christmas was just two weeks away and He prayed that his parents buy as a Christmas gift for him. He also stylishly rambled on about it.

For example, his mother would say “Jide, please go to the shop down the road and buy a packet of sugar for me” Jide would reply “Yes Mum…hmmm if only I had a bicycle, I could be there and back faster”.

Once, his father was taking him to Church for his Christmas Play rehearsal, but unfortunately the car got a flat tyre and they had to fix it. Under the biting sun, while his father was changing the tyre with Jide helping, Jide quipped “Weldone Dad…but you know the Church isn’t far, if I had a bicycle, I would have gone by myself, instead of you dropping me off”.  Situations like these continued until Jide’s parents went to price a bicycle: they saw one at an affordable price and decided to buy it for him at Christmas.

Then, something happened; Jide’s father was laid off from work and the family was told to leave the company house. Jide’s father was given some benefit packages that will aid in the move, but trying to be extra-careful in their new uncertainty, his parents decided to save much more and spend less. The family moved out to a smaller flat and Jide’s bicycle dream was ‘gone with the wind’------- or was it?

In the new estate, Jide’s neighbour was an old man, who didn’t talk to anyone. He wouldn’t reply greetings or answer questions, he only sat in front of his house from late morning to dusk before retiring inside only to do the same next day. 

After a while, Jide’s parents gave up on greeting the old man but Jide didn’t. For some reason, the old man fascinated him, Jide would watch the man from his bedroom window wondering why he refused to relate with anyone. It was while watching the old man that Jide noticed two things;

·         The old man wore the best and finest of clothing.

·         The old man’s compound was always dirty.

Jide thought “He looks like he has money, why can’t he hire someone to sweep his compound for him?” Then Jide had a bright idea “Why can’t I offer to sweep his compound on weekends for a fee. I will save the money and buy my bicycle!” Jide was excited about this new plan.

After discussing it with his parents and getting their permission, he went to the old man’s house. The Old Man only grunted when Jide told him his plan and held up three fingers when Jide discussed payment, which meant Jide would get 300 Naira at the end of every job. Jide was a little saddened at the amount because he knew he might have to work for an entire year to make up the cash he needs for his bicycle, still Jide decided it was a start. For two months, Jide did his job dutifully without complaining, he even watered the plants. 

The Old Man still didn’t speak to him, the only difference was that he now sat in a clean compound, thanks to Jide.

One day, Jide had just finished cleaning the compound and was about to leave. The usual practice was that Jide would stand in front of the man to indicate he’s done for the day, the man would then pay him. However, on that fateful day, as Jide stood in front of the man, the man got up and signaled to Jide to follow him. Jide was surprised. He followed the man into his house (It was the first time Jide had ever entered the man’s home and he was amazed to find it very clean).

Furthermore, standing proudly in the middle of the living room was one of the most beautiful bicycles Jide had ever seen. Jide stared in awe.

“My only child died 6 years ago. He was all I had left. We were so close” the Old Man started. “Since then, I lost the zest for life and pushed everyone away, then I stopped communicating with people except it’s absolutely necessary, like if I need to buy something”

The Old Man sat down, emotionally tired. Jide just looked on in shock at hearing the Old Man speak.

“You didn’t give up on me Jide. You kept greeting me when others stopped and cared enough to come help me. Because of you, I started taking care of my home again. Because of you, I felt like I had a son again. When I heard what you were saving your money for, I thought the best way to say thank you was to buy you the bicycle. I ordered it. I hope you like it”

 In response, Jide ran to hug the Old Man. The two of them shed tears; the older male cried for lost opportunities, lost friends and a new hope. The younger male cried for new horizons and dreams coming true.

Dearies, our lives, our dreams, our deepest desires, our most earnest wants are like Jide’s Bicycle. You want it so bad and you’ve tried to stay true (i.e. not cutting corners or doing juju) to receive/get it.  Folks, be vigilant, pray to God for a discerning spirit because some times when the answer to that prayer comes, it might not be in the way we imagined.  If you throw in the towel then, you may have lost something really great.

If Jide had given up on his bicycle, he wouldn’t have bothered helping the Old Man and would have missed out on a more advanced, more solid bicycle. Jide stuck to his dream. His present situation didn’t deter him and he not only got a bike, he gained a friend, changed a life and became a hero to someone.

You want that ‘bicycle’? Don’t give up, SAIL ON! God is never too early or too late, He’s always right on time. YOU WILL GET YOURS TOO.

Have a great week Darlings!